Where do I even start?

First: you don’t have to decide tonight

Reading about divorce doesn’t commit you to anything. Divorce is a legal process with several steps, and understanding how it works can make the situation feel less overwhelming, whatever you decide.

It may help to separate two questions: “Do I want to end my marriage?” and “How would a divorce actually work?” This guide is mostly about the second one, and points you to support for the first.

If you’re not sure yet: counselling and support

The Ministry of Social and Family Development (MSF) runs the Family Assist portal, which lists counselling and support for people thinking about their marriage.

• FAM centres (Strengthening Families Programme centres) support couples and families with marriage and divorce issues. Family Assist says sessions at FAM centres are free.
• Discernment counselling is for couples who are leaning in different directions. You both attend, and it usually takes about 1 to 5 sessions. It’s about getting clarity on a decision, not fixing the marriage.
• If your spouse won’t come, you can attend individual counselling, online or face to face.

Can you file for divorce in Singapore?

Generally, three things need to be in place:

• How long you’ve been married. You generally need to have been married for at least 3 years. The court can allow an earlier application only in cases of exceptional hardship or exceptional depravity.
• Your connection to Singapore. At least one of you must be domiciled in Singapore when the application is filed, or have been habitually resident here for the 3 years immediately before filing.
• The type of marriage. This applies to civil marriages. For marriages under Muslim law, divorce is handled by the Syariah Court instead.

What the court needs to see

The court grants a divorce only if the marriage has irretrievably broken down. This is shown by one or more of five facts:

1. Adultery, and you find it intolerable to live with your spouse.
2. Behaviour by your spouse that you can’t reasonably be expected to live with.
3. Desertion for a continuous period of at least 2 years.
4. Separation for at least 3 years if your spouse consents to the divorce, or at least 4 years if not. Separation can include living under the same roof but running separate households.
5. Mutual agreement. Since 1 July 2024, both of you can agree in writing that the marriage has irretrievably broken down, without either of you having to prove fault.

What a divorce actually involves

A divorce is really two things: ending the marriage, and sorting out the arrangements that follow. These arrangements are called ancillary matters:

• Children: custody, care and control, access, and child maintenance. See Can I move out with the kids?
• Maintenance for a wife or an incapacitated husband. See Will I pay or receive maintenance?
• Matrimonial assets, such as the home, CPF savings and bank accounts. See Who keeps the HDB flat?
• Costs of the proceedings.

If you have a child under 21, you will generally need to attend the Mandatory Co-Parenting Programme (CPP) run by MSF before filing. For how the court process works, see Do I have to go to court?

Can you separate without divorcing?

Yes. Not everyone who needs some space is ready to end their marriage, and that’s okay. In Singapore, if you want to live apart but stay married, there are two main routes: a deed of separation, which is a private agreement, and a judicial separation, which is a court order. A deed doesn’t need a court order to make; a judicial separation does.

What is a deed of separation?

A separation agreement, often called a deed of separation, is a private written agreement between the two of you. You don’t need a court order to make one. It can cover when you started living apart, who stays in the home, how the children will be cared for, and who pays for what.

It’s a serious document, but it has limits. If things ever come before a court, the judge will always put your children’s welfare first and can change what you agreed about the children or maintenance. What you agreed about dividing your assets can carry real weight, particularly where it was properly worked out with legal advice on both sides. One catch: a one-off lump sum in place of all future maintenance only takes effect if the court approves it.

What is a judicial separation?

A judicial separation is a court order, based on the same kinds of facts as a divorce, such as adultery, behaviour or a period of living apart. Unlike divorce, you don’t need to have been married for three years first.

Afterwards, you’re no longer obliged to live together, and the court can decide maintenance and how assets are divided. It also affects inheritance: if one of you dies without a will while the order is in force and you’re still apart, the other won’t inherit under the rules that apply when there’s no will.

Either way, you’re still married, so neither of you can remarry. If you’d like to talk through which might suit you, M/s Maurice Lee & Tan is on WhatsApp at +65 8023 5221.

If you don’t feel safe at home

If you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999. The court can make a personal protection order where family violence has been, or is likely to be, committed and the order is necessary for protection. It can also make orders such as a domestic exclusion order, which can keep a person out of the home. You can apply at the Family Protection Centre at the Family Justice Courts or at a Protection Specialist Centre, and you can start the application online.