Can I move out with the kids?

The short answer

There’s no one-line answer, because it depends on your family’s circumstances. What the law does say clearly is that, during the marriage, both of you share responsibility for caring for and providing for your children, and that when the court decides arrangements, the welfare of the child is the paramount consideration.

Because the arrangements you make early on can shape what happens later, it’s worth getting advice before anything changes, if you can.

Three terms you’ll hear

Custody

The right to make the major long-term decisions about a child’s upbringing and education.

Care and control

Who the child lives with and who looks after them day to day.

Access

When and how often the parent without care and control spends time with the child.

What the court focuses on

• The welfare of the child comes first. There is no rule that children go to the mother.
• Subject to that, the court considers the wishes of both parents, and the wishes of the child if they are old enough to express an independent opinion.
• The court can make orders about a child’s welfare at any stage of divorce proceedings, not only at the end.
• Orders can include conditions, for example about where the child lives, and arrangements for access.

If you’re thinking about moving out

These are practical questions, not legal tests, but they reflect what matters to children:

• Where will the children sleep, and how will school, routines and activities continue?
• How will they keep a relationship with the other parent?
• Can you and your spouse agree on interim arrangements, and write them down?
• What will you tell the children, together if possible?

If safety is the concern, that changes things. If you are in immediate danger, call 999. The court can make a personal protection order to protect you and your children, and a domestic exclusion order can keep a person out of the home, regardless of whose name the home is in.

Taking children overseas

• While a custody or care and control order is in force, a child generally can’t be taken out of Singapore without the written consent of both parents or the court’s permission.
• There is an exception for trips of less than one month by the parent who has custody or care and control (or someone with their written consent).
• Breaking this rule is a criminal offence.
• While divorce proceedings are pending, the court can also order a parent not to take a child out of Singapore.

If your child is under 21

Parents with a child under 21 generally need to complete MSF’s Mandatory Co-Parenting Programme before filing for divorce, and will generally be directed to mediation and counselling at the Family Justice Courts. Both are designed to help you make arrangements that work for your children.

For child maintenance, see Will I pay or receive maintenance?